My Story

My Story

Many of my friends have been asking….what happened?  Maggie looks so normal.  Some have even added, have you lost your mind?  All teenagers are difficult and all children go through what you are dealing with.  Teenagers are lazy, teenagers are emotional, teenagers are crazy!  Don’t you think you are expecting too much from her?  Can’t you accept her the way she  is and stop expecting her to be what you want her to be?  OK, OK….Ok….I am going to get this down in print for the first time ever.  Not that anyone could ever appreciate what we have lived over the years.  It’s a doozy of a story.

First, people have always told me I should write a book about my family and my experiences but I have never been able to sit long enough to get the words out (can you say ADHD?) and I am NOT a clever writer like some people I know (Melissa, Britty!-jealous!!).  I am just a tell-it-like-it-is kinda gal!  SO, in the interest of just getting it down….I will do my best to write eloquently.  Just like I have done my best (but most certainly not perfectly) with raising my children…I will most assuredly not be able to write perfectly either.  However, what IS perfect?

I am going to go out on a limb here….I don’t have the kind of faith that two of my beautiful friends , Julie & Melissa, have.  MY family didn’t raise me attending church every weekend (though, don’t get me wrong…I did attend and when I did, I loved it!).  In fact (and I know I am digressing a bit here but there IS a point)…when I lived in Europe my mother was so turned off by the catholic churches and their ostentatiousness and the money the poor people were guilted into giving to the church “so Bishops and Popes could live high on the hog”….that she turned away from God and became an Atheist.  I have had MANY trials in my life and turning it over to God would have certainly helped me through those times.  I have always looked at deeply faithful people (the ones like Melissa and Julie) who have such deep and beautiful faith and love that pours out of every pore-- and wished I had what they have.  I attend church.  I sing in the choir (AND I LOVE IT!).  I believe in the power of prayer (I read studies in Nursing school about it).  I believe in Godly moments.  I see others going through tough times handling things with such grace because of their faith…But something tugs me away from having COMPLETE faith that God is helping me through tough times (I have had my share!) or helping me make decisions.  It’s kinda like how can you believe in God….if there is no Santa Claus, tooth fairy, or Easter Bunny?  But I see God in so many things—the sunset, the view from the top of a mountain, the crystal white snow in the Colorado Mountains, etc (you get it).  AND I see Him in so MANY of my friends.  Lately I have become involved in a special needs mom’s group (MacGyver moms) and I have never felt so much love and support EVER.  The lessons Kirk is giving us on a monthly basis have really touched me deeply.  I wish I had had this group all my motherhood.  I think by now I would have been a more evolved Christian.  I love the teachings of the Bible, I love listening to sermons, but in no way could I ever quote ONE scripture.  Heck, I don’t even know one book from the other.  I don’t even know how Jona got into the whale!  I have never read the bible…because I have a reading and comprehension disability.  It’s difficult for me to read a baby book!  J  Anyway….over the years I have wanted that faith and that connection to God.  This week I sent my daughter off to the wilderness.  The only thing helping me was seeing God holding her in His arms because I can’t.  The only thing letting me see the light was seeing her walking along side angels like my beautiful friend Julie told me.  The only thing getting me through those GUT wrenching visuals of what she might be doing or thinking…is that there IS a God telling her that he loves her because I can’t.  I miss her more than I thought I would.  I started crying my eyes out during a double baptism this weekend because Steve said to the congregation….those children aren’t the parents’ children…they are children of God.  OH GOD….I pray you are taking care of your child and helping her get through this.  Please tell her I love her!!!!

I wish I could leave this on a funny note like Melissa….but again…I wasn’t given the gift of writing.  I have OTHER incredible gifts.  And, my close friends know what they are!

Love,

Laura