Asperger's

Asperger’s

What does Asperger’s mean to you?  What emotion (if any) does it evoke?  I would venture to guess….most people who hear that word have no emotion attached to it.  It evokes a response such as “yeah…ok…I have no idea what that means” and most people just leave it at that and move on with their day.  I, on the other hand, am deeply affected by Asperger’s.  I live with it everyday.  I have a daughter with Asperger’s.  And, there is no cure.  She will live with it the rest of her life.  I can’t take her to the hospital and do surgery to take it out.  I can’t take her to a clinic and give her radiation or chemotherapy to eradicate the “bad cells” making her “sick”.  She has NO chance for cure.  SO, the only thing we can do is give her tools to help her manage it.  We can help her find coping mechanisms to be a successful member of society.  All of this takes patience, true grit, perseverance, and compassion. 

Asperger’s characteristics are as follows:

·      Insistence on sameness/fairness: easily overwhelmed by minimal changes in routines, sensitive to environmental
stressors, preference for rituals.

·      Impairment in social interactions: difficulty understanding the “rules” of interaction, poor comprehension of
jokes and metaphor, pedantic speaking style.

·      Restricted range of social competence: preoccupation with singular topics, asking repetitive questions, obsessively collecting items.

·      Inattention: poor organizational skills, easily distracted, focused on irrelevant stimuli, difficulty learning in group
contexts.

·      Poor motor coordination: slow clerical speed, clumsy gait, unsuccessful in games involving motor skills.

·      Academic difficulties: restricted problem solving skills, literal thinking, and deficiencies with abstract reasoning.  Easily overwhelmed by homework assignments, tests, etc.

·      Emotional vulnerability: low self-esteem, easily overwhelmed, poor coping with stressors, self-critical.  High anxiety, easily overwhelmed and tipped to a fight or flight response.  Meltdowns/tantrums are a common occurrence, even in older kids.

·      Behavior serves a function, is related to context, and is a form of             communication.

·      Maturity is delayed.  Most Asperger’s are about 3 years behind typical maturity levels.

Next question you might ask:  Why do you want to change someone with Asperger’s.  My answer is why not do your best to help someone with a disability so they can have the best chance possible for a life of independence?  I am not proposing changing them (as I said before there is no cure), I am proposing giving them tools to assimilate into society to their best potential. Why do we do surgery on a child with a heart problem (for example my son).  Why do we cure someone with Cancer?  Why do I work so hard to give Nicolas skills such as reading, riding a bike, and counting money?  Why don’t we accept things the way they are?  Because we want the best for our children.  I see Maggie struggle on a daily basis.  She has a very difficult time getting along with others and understanding her behaviors and how they affect others.  She struggles with close friendships.  She struggles being in a room with a lot of noise.  She has told me that hearing me whistle sounds shrill and piercing, that it feels almost painful.  She insists on fairness; which causes conflict with others.  She struggles with doing tasks that seem overwhelming.  She doesn’t read social cues well and therefore gets bullied on a regular basis.  She spends 95% of her weekend evenings in her room alone.  NOT normal for a teenager.  She doesn’t like it.  She cries because she sees her friends on Facebook out and about doing social things…and she is never invited.  She doesn’t know how to initiate friendships.  She is shy and insecure.  She is awkward and unaware of how she appears to others.  She is immature.  She has meltdowns and tantrums on a regular basis at home, causing conflict and tension.  In turn, it erodes her self-esteem.  What kind of life is this?  It’s lonely and it is unhappy.  I want to help her figure out how to cope with all of this in a healthy way.  I want her to understand herself and learn how to recognize when she is feeling overwhelmed and anxious and then have a repertoire of tools to fall back on to overcome that anxiety so she can “fit in” to our social norms as best as she POSSIBLY can.  I don’t think that is expecting too much for her.  In fact, I think it is being a responsible parent who is doing what a parent should do.  Our job as parents is to prepare our children to be independent adults who are capable of holding a job, having healthy relationships, and managing their affairs (and I don’t mean relational affairs!)